Connecting with other people, being able to talk to someone you trust, and feeling a part of something greater than yourself are all factors that help you feel supported and cared about. Support and caring are keys to building resilience. For example, if you have been in a situation where you have not had supportive messages, finding people who mirror the best in you will help build your confidence and your belief in yourself. Here are some strategies to help you feel more connected to others and to your community.
Connect with Someone You Trust
Connect to School, the Job, or in the Community
Cultivate New Friendships
Seek to Resolve Conflict
Find a Mentor
A mentor is someone who is familiar with your chosen career and has already begun his or her climb up the ladder. They may have had the job you have and have the job you want. It may be your supervisor or it may be someone else in the area where you work who has been there for a while. Once you have worked in your job for some time, you will have a sense of who might be a good person to ask to mentor you more about the career. Rather than hope that someone will notice that you’re interested in learning more, it is a good idea to formalize a mentor relationship. Once you’ve identified someone you’d like to mentor you, ask if they would be willing to work with you on a regular basis to help you explore your options for advancement.
Once you’ve established that you and your mentor may work together, Bert Gervais, founder of Success Mentor Education recommends these as great first questions to ask a mentor:
Great Questions to Ask a Mentor
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Other: Ask interested (but not nosy) questions about family, occupation, recreation, or motivation to make a deeper connection with your mentor. You may find that you have much in common beyond your work relationship.
Character is about who you are. It’s your idea of what is right and wrong, and it’s your values. Your character is what you believe in and how you express those beliefs. In Module 3, you learned about ways to identify your values. When you are able to express your values and your beliefs, you can be true to who you are. You will feel strong and able to withstand challenges that come your way. The best way to demonstrate your own values and integrity is take action that reflects your character. For example, if you believe in helping others, then you will commit yourself to helping others. If you are uncomfortable with a joke that someone tells, you will speak up respectfully. Here are some ways that might help you speak up for yourself and express your character.
Learn to Say No
Have a Back-up Plan
Control
When you feel in control of your body, mind, and emotions, you know that you have the capacity to bounce back from hard times. Taking care of your body makes you feel strong. Staying in control of your temper will make you feel powerful. Thinking before you speak will help you make choices about what you want to say. Keeping an open mind will help you learn new things. As a result, you will have more choices. Here are some ways to help feel more in control:
Think Before You Speak
When you feel in control of your body, mind, and emotions, you know that you have the capacity to bounce back from hard times. Taking care of your body makes you feel strong. Staying in control of your temper will make you feel powerful. Thinking before you speak will help you make choices about what you want to say. Keeping an open mind will help you learn new things. As a result, you will have more choices. Here are some ways to help feel more in control:
Take Care of your Body
Control your Temper
Coping
Coping means figuring out ways to manage stress. Calling on your coping skills will go a long way to helping you become more resilient. The good news is you already have access to all of these skills. Here is a video that outlines some basic coping skills. Which skills do you already use? Which skills might you want to learn more about?
Express your Stress, Creatively
Give Yourself Positive Messages
Career Trajectory
Stretch Assignments
A stretch assignment is an assignment outside of your regular work duties that is beyond your current duties or knowledge base. The idea is to stretch your development by challenging you to help you learn and grow. Sometimes stretch assignments are a bit uncomfortable. This is because you may be working in an area that is unknown to you. The idea is that you will not only become familiar with an area or a task that is new to you, but you will also become more confident that you can—and will—learn more of what it takes to grow.
Spotlight on Celebrity Chef Michael Chiarello
“If you ask chefs of my generation, probably at least half of us started out as dishwashers. I grew up in a small farm town in California’s Central Valley, and there weren’t many restaurants around, but I walked right into one of them when I was 14 and asked for a job. Once the dishes were done, there was nothing to do, so at some point the cook asks you to help out. That was the goal, since I always wanted to be a cook.”
Confidence
Confidence is the belief in your abilities. It is built from ongoing successes. Sometimes it is hard for all of us to recognize our successes because we focus on what we did wrong. When you know that you are competent—that you have skills that give you strength—you will feel more confident. The messages you tell yourself will come true. If you tell yourself, “I can never get that job,” chances are you won’t. But if you tell yourself, “I can do it! I will find a job that’s the right fit,” chances are very good you will.
Act As If
Have you ever heard the expression, “Fake it ‘til you make it”? This means that you can act as if you are not afraid—even if you are! For example, you may be very nervous about your first day on the job. You can decide to act nervous and afraid and worried about what others will think, or you can decide to act with confidence–as if you carry the knowledge that you will be soon be successful. Here’s a youtube video that offers three tips for feeling more confident.
Laugh at Yourself
Take some time to listen to or watch some comedians to see how they find humor in their situations. Where might you find some humor in your own mistakes?
Competence
Competence is the ability to handle situations confidently and effectively. It is built by having concrete skills that you know will lead to success. For example, having strong time management skills helps you with creating a structure for your time. You know what to expect. Having a structure can give you a sense of security so that if unexpected things happen, you have a routine or framework to fall back on. Building competence in a number of areas will help lead to greater confidence. Here are some ideas about building skills that will make you feel more competent.
Manage Your Time
If you prefer to use your phone or a computer , there are a number of apps that you can download that are extremely helpful for time management. Here is a link to the top time management apps for students. They work for people in jobs, too!
Download a template from the internet
If you prefer to work electronically, there is an excellent app called “You Need a Budget™” or YNAB, which has tips and mini-classes online as well as a way to account for the money that you spend.
You have many strengths that have gotten you this far. You have gotten through changes and challenges and you are now ready for a job or school. What strengths do you feel are your strongest? Make a list of your strengths and talents. How do these help you feel competent?
Find a Mentor
A mentor is someone who is familiar with your chosen career and has already begun his or her climb up the ladder. They may have had the job you have and have the job you want. It may be your supervisor or it may be someone else in the area where you work who has been there for a while. Once you have worked in your job for some time, you will have a sense of who might be a good person to ask to mentor you more about the career. Rather than hope that someone will notice that you’re interested in learning more, it is a good idea to formalize a mentor relationship. Once you’ve identified someone you’d like to mentor you, ask if they would be willing to work with you on a regular basis to help you explore your options for advancement.
Once you’ve established that you and your mentor may work together, Bert Gervais, founder of Success Mentor Education recommends these as great first questions to ask a mentor:
Great Questions to Ask a Mentor
How do you spend most of your time?
What would you do if you were me?
How can I help you?
Is this where you thought you’d end up?
What used to be your biggest weakness?
What are you most proud of?
What professional organizations are you associated with and in what ways?
Who else would you recommend I connect with?
If a specific question comes up, can I follow up with you?
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Other: Ask interested (but not nosy) questions about family, occupation, recreation, or motivation to make a deeper connection with your mentor. You may find that you have much in common beyond your work relationship.
Informational Interviewing
Once you’ve identified a job you may be interested in pursuing, an excellent way to not only show your interest, but also to learn, is to conduct an informational interview. Most people love to talk about their jobs—and they like to help people! Seek out a person who is working in a job that you may ultimately want and that matches your interests and skill set and prepare questions that you might want to ask.
Use the Informational Interviewing Questions Handout as a guide to help you choose questions you may want to ask in your informational interview.
Most companies offer training in either foundational skills, such as communication or customer service or job-specialist training around specific industry topics and skills. If you are able to spare some time away from your job, training is an excellent way to raise your skill level and to connect with others in your company. Sometimes, there may be opportunities outside of your business, and if you are able, you might attend something job-related. Talk to your supervisor to ask what training might be good for you to pursue. Not only will you show your interest, you will undoubtedly learn something along the way!
Great Questions to Ask a Mentor
How do you spend most of your time?
What would you do if you were me?
How can I help you?
Is this where you thought you’d end up?
What used to be your biggest weakness?
What are you most proud of?
What professional organizations are you associated with and in what ways?
Who else would you recommend I connect with?
If a specific question comes up, can I follow up with you?
Previous
Next
Other: Ask interested (but not nosy) questions about family, occupation, recreation, or motivation to make a deeper connection with your mentor. You may find that you have much in common beyond your work relationship.
Volunteer
In the beginning of your new job, you may well be busy as you learn the ins and outs of your work duties. But, chances are, there may be opportunities to work on a committee or a project that is not necessarily specific to your job. For example, there may be a grounds committee to help spruce up the outside of the building where you work. Or, there may be a holiday party or outing that is in the works. Perhaps there is a concerted United Way or other community organization volunteer opportunity. As you are able, volunteering is a great way to get to know more about the company where you work, make friends outside of your immediate work area, and to show others that you are interested and committed to the company. You won’t be paid for your efforts, but the rewards can be priceless!
